Blindness

I have this friend that is my best friend.  One day I realized that I had quite a lot of feelings for my best friend.  It took me quite a while before I could finally accept these feelings and tell my friend how I felt. 

You may ask why it took so long.  Well, my best friend is a girl and so am I.  I never thought of myself as gay, or bi-sexual, or anything other than straight.  I never thought about it at all.  Obviously not, nothing had ever come up like this before.  My best friend, to my relief, had the same feelings for me.  We started dating.  While telling our friends, some of the responses I got were along the lines of; "why did you switch teams?", "when did you decide you were a lesbian?", things like that.  These questions upset me coming from my friends, and then I stopped to think that perhaps they aren't educated on the matter.  At the same time though, what is it that they need to be educated on, none of these questions would have come up if it was another boy I was dating.

Why is it so hard for people to understand that I did not choose this.  I did not choose the person that my heart felt for.  I did not choose to get the feelings I did, and I did not choose that she felt the same.  Did anybody ever choose who they felt for, or did it just happen.  It just happened most likely, not many people wake up one day and say to themselves, "I'm going to like this person!", it just isn't reality.

Reality is that chemicals mix in your body, sending signals to your brain, telling it that you now have feelings for somebody.  Whether these feelings stay or go depends on circumstances and emotions.  But, people in same sex relationships never CHOOSE to be in them. They simply do what makes them happy, so to speak.  If I had feelings for a boy, I wouldn't ever deny them, I would go for it.  I did the same with my best friend.  I am proud to say that she is my girlfriend now, and I am excited to see what lies ahead for us.

This relationship won't be easy, none of them ever are.  This will be different, as is every relationship.  I wish one day that the rest of society views  this as I do, another relationship.  Two people who felt something for each other and took a leap.  I hope that one day society will view same sex relationships just as they do heterosexual relationships.  There is no difference, just two people who feel something and want to be with each other.  Love is blind, why can't society be too.

I love my girlfriend, and I am proud to be out.  She is my everything and I wouldn't trade this for anything else in the world.  I am happy, and damn it, that is all that matters.

Puzzle Pieces

Wow it has been a crazy month!!!
RA training was epic, soo much fun, however I am also very happy that its over, and that the school year is upon me.  At first I was skeptical to come into an 80 person, all girls floor, but now it doesn't seem too bad. Actually it is looking quite pleasant.  All the girls so far get along, they are all super nice and they don't have any problems coming up and saying hi, or starting a huge conversation lol.

Life has decided to throw me a few curve balls in the past few weeks.  I don't know when I all of a sudden became this person that always has the attention of some guy, but I'm not sure I enjoy it.  Ok, that may have been partly a lie, because who doesn't enjoy the attention of a guy, or girl...for whatever the case.  But, to have the attention of multiple at the same time is just stressful.  I do think that I handled the situation well, because now I am dating one of these boys, and out of them all I think I picked a good one.  Finally I feel I picked a good boy for me....what is this world coming to?? When i decide to pick a "good boy", then you know something is wrong with the world!! LOL

I missed my friends so much over the summer, that it is almost surreal that I am now back with them.  Having them here with me during training, welcome week, and now for the rest of the school year, has made me so happy.  I am seriously considering not going home next summer, mainly because I don't really like the life in the bay, but also, the friends I have hear are totally worth sticking around for!!

The only sad thing about the past month, and what is going to continue to be sad for the next few months, is that I miss my mom a lot.  I hate being away from her for so long, although I feel it strengthens the both of us, but it makes it so hard not being able to see her or talk to her every day. Especially when I get kicked in the face!! lol.  But seriously, I wish she knew how to skype or use msn video chat or something, maybe i will have to teach her or get somebody back home to teach her for me.

Anyway its looking like class is about to begin.  Until next time.

Diamond in the Rough

We all have people in our lives, there is no doubt about it. Whether these people are family, friends, aquaintences, co-workers, enemies, or just people around you in a class room or on a bus. We decide which of these people we talk to and invite further into our lives. Mainly we invite our friends or people that we would like to be friends with to encounter the journey of dwelling deeper into eachothers lives. Quite often you may find a good friend, often enough a great friend will come along, once in a while a best friend. It is in a very rare instance where you will encounter a diamond in the rough, this is more than just a friend, this person is somebody you hold onto untill the very end, they are that person you can talk to when you cant talk to anyone else, they are the one who holds you up when you are down, they are the person that you cant help but smile when you think of them. They will always be there for you and you know that you will always be there for them. This person makes you want to be a better person, and do whatever it takes not to mess up. They are called a diamond in the rough because they are the rarest friend to find, but when you find them you must never let them go, because not only will they be the friend of all friends, they will, save your life.

frustration

why do exes have to be so ridiculious??

i mean clearly they are an ex for a reason yet they cant seem to grasp the concept.

just get over it and move on with your life like the rest of us have because you sitting there holding on to something that isnt there any more is pathetic.

oh and get a job you loser!!

Always missing you

My heart aches with an empty space because god took you away to a beautiful place where i can no longer see you.The tears run down my face as i think of the day that we let you go .


As i look up at the sky i wonder if i ever said thank you for the things you've done in my life to help me along, or the things you said to make me smile, for all the support you gave me as you stood by my side. Every birthday of mine wasn't complete until i got your birthday hugs and kisses wishing me a wonderful day, now that your not here its never complete i need those hugs and i need those kisses but i know i cant have them so i'll just remember the times we've had together. You've watched me make mistakes , you've watched me go through heart breaks , you've watched smiles on my face and also tears that take place. I blow kisses up to heaven hoping that you catch them , i will never forget the times we've shared! You're my super man , my hero , my path to guide me , my sun in the day , my moon at night .. you are my shining star that is so bright You're my number 1 . I wish it was never this way and that you could have stayed. I love you so much daddy and i miss you terribly



I will never forget you you're in my heart forever and always !

2years May.19th.2010



Let us pray for the one we've lost

Let us not forget how great this man was

Let us love and miss him for the rest of our lives

rest in peace daddy
 
ps. i still see your smile everytime i close my eyes

craving something new

One day a girl moves away to a far off city. The girl lives there for 8 months and longs to be back at home with her friends and family. When the day finally came that the girl was able to go home she found herself sad, and wondering if she was making the right move. All her life she thought that she was supposed to stay in the city that her home was, start her life and grow old there, but things were different....she felt different. Her life at home had changed before she left and she realized that being away from that change helped her get over the bad things that had occurred. She herself had changed when she left and she liked the new her, when she came back home she didn't feel happy anymore. The girl felt that she was in a fairytale and was ripped away to live in solitary, but not complete solitary, she was in a place where all the bad was pushed upon her in ways she didn't feel safe. She found herself crying every night, and pretending that there were shooting stars as she would make a wish on an airplane in the night sky. A wish to leave, to get out, to finally be happy again. Her wish would not be granted right away as the girl knew that she needed to wait. She needed to wait a few short months and then when she would be able to leave again it would be for the last time. She would be going to the far off city where she felt alive, whole, real, and happy again. She would be going to a place where all the bad things couldn't follow her and only happiness and life were awaiting her. A few short months and it would all be over. The girl went to bed that night and prayed that she would be able to survive the short months she needed to wait, for it would be such a shame if it only took a few short months to bring that girl down.....to her end.